I think I can safely say that I'm not an emotional teacher. I don't cry at the drop of a hat nor do I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I can honestly say that after this week, I'm feeling very melancholy.
After years of being a department head (and its many reincarnations), I've decided not to put my name forward for a lot of reasons. Mainly I am tired. Tired of working so hard and not being listened to. Tired of fighting for others. And so very tired of meetings. It's more than time for someone else to lead the charge and hopefully make the changes I simply wasn't able to.
It may seem trivial, but I received notification this week that a grant application that a colleague and I spent a lot of time on, didn't make the cut. I know it's not so very important in the grand scheme of things but that little note set me back a bit. I spend a fair bit of time writing grant and award applications and I don't think people realize how much goes into a single application. It's not just words and a picture or two, it's also a little piece of me and my library program in there too.
Those two things, along with a myriad of little things and a couple of comments made to me have left me questioning myself and what I am doing.
As I have reflected on the year that was, I have come to realize that I've accomplished a lot and the library program not only remains strong but also continues to grow. But with that reflection comes goal setting for the future and I know I need things to change for myself. I'm not a person to stay still for very long nor am I one to stay mired in melancholy. This next week is going to be a week of pondering, reading and researching as I figure out how I will reinvent and revitalize myself for the upcoming school year. I know in the end, I'll be excited about my future plans, it's just a case of solidifying those plans.
And as is so often the case, it's my students who unknowingly do something completely unexpected and make me smile. At the end of the day today, I found a beautifully written thank you card propped up against my computer. I may be burdened with disappointment and frustration, but that card was a little ray of sunshine in my otherwise grey week.